ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
