Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
