uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
