He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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