girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
