put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize