I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
then he tried to convert me to islam
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
