tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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