Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
