My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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