Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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