I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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