i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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