She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sobbing to NWA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
