I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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