i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
