Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Randomize
