he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
