I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
