Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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