my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
