btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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