soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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