I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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