i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
