you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
