the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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