I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
