I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
