It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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