Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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