Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize