You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize