Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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