new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
