don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize