:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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