My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
