listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
