Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
