You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
