3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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