Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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