you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
