you would pick up someone in the library
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
