Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize