I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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