I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Non-Jews are for practice
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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