Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
