She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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