I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
