I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize