He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
