I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize