Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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