i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
