My sheets look like a crime scene.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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