Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
