If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
