It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
