just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
