if only i could text you this smell
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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